Point of no return
by AzuuMalfoy
Summary: I can't remember how everything started. I can't remember how I got to this place. White, everything is white. I can tell it's not my room. I close my eyes and I remember; the smoke in the car, the alcohol bottles that were spread all over my room, the drugs on the bed, and my friends, Tom, Danny, and Harry watching while the ambulance drove me off the place.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

Today, like every December 7th, I get to remember how I lost him. The date when he left us. The time when I lost a husband and little Rachel a father. We still have his friends, but my life isn't the same without him. I miss that blast of joy and childishness from his adult body. Is he alright, wherever he is?

Dougie Poynter was my patient when he entered rehab. I was just graduated from psychology shcool. I fell in love with him since the first time I got into his room, and I know that he felt the same way too. I help him to get over his tormented depression which led him to drugs and alcohol, plus trying to end his life five times. Even though at first our relationship was only as friends, and though I had to watch him date that artist called Lara, my heart was always with him, and his was always with me. But I shouldn't be the one to tell his story. I'm reading,due to the anniversary, his diary. The one he wrote during that times, before getting better. So now you can read the story from his point of view.

How awful is what we're watching. Damn it, why does Frankie like Glee? I snort, annoyed, but she doesn't seem to notice. Come on, pay some attention to me! But she doesn't, she is too focused looking to our plan. We are lying on our bed after we had dinner. Outside it's raining, it's one of those horrible nights here in , more than horrible, it's all strong wind and heavy rain. She whispers songs as she grabs my hand under the sheets. I kiss her neck and she laughs. I love her. I had never loved someone like I love her. I huddle by her side and she hugs me. I put my head on her chest and close my eyes. I imagine us married, having kids, a big house with a big garden. The dogs running behind our girls, and our boys playing with the lizards. I see myself dying by her side, growing old while holding hands. I love Frankie, I love her with all my heart. She runs his hand through my hair, which makes me sleepy. I fall absolutely asleep by her side, as I feel how she gives me a soft kiss in my lips.

The next morning I wake up and I'm alone. Frankie must be rehearsing with her band already, or that's what I figure. I head to the bathroom and open the shower. I take a hot shower that relaxes my shoulders and makes me sing. When I'm finished, I dry myself quickly with a towel and go downstairs to the kitchen. I open the fridge and take the milk. I go to the cupboard and take a cereal bowl and my favourite chocolate cereal. I don't rush to have breakfast because the recording of the new CD doesn't start until midday. Then I leave the dirty bowl and spoon in the sink and head to the room where my lizards and iguanas stay.I gave them their breakfast and clean the cages cos it disgusts Frankie.

When I'm done I get back to the kitchen. I open the fridge, bored, and see some beer bottles. Grabing them, I make my way to the living room. I sit in the couch after leaving the bottles on the coffee table and rest my feet beside them. While I'm looking for something to watch, I start drinking the beers, one after another. When I was finished I felt dizzy.. how many did I have? I blink, confused, and then lay on the couch and rest.

Nightmares, surrounding me. I couldn't scape. I was screaming, asking for help, but nobody would rescue me. I wake up and realise that everthing was a bad dream. I rub my hair and go outside to have a smoke. I look at the time, shit, twenty minutes ago I was supposed to be in the studio. I go find my phone and see the miss calls Harry, Danny and Tom. Crap, now they are gonna get mad at me. I took the keys of my van and rushed to it.

When I get in, Tom looks at me.

-Well, finally you decide to come Poynter. Recording started twenty minutes ago- says furious.

-I'm sorry- I whisper while grabbing my bass.—I fell asleep –said as an excuse, which was somehow true. Danny opens his mouth , willing to give some of his tyipical comments.-No, I wasn't having sex with Frankie, she wasn't home. – He laughs.

Tom sends us to the studio while taking his guitar. I love this three idiots. I can't imagine life without any of them. What would my life be if destiny didn't put us together? That was something that had always worried me, but shaking my head and seeing them there, I know that everything is okay.

We leave the studio around nine. I stop by a pizza place and buy a muzzarella and pepperoni pizza and a coke. I drive back to home and surprisingly there's no one there.

-Frankie, I'm home!- I yell, cos maybe she's in our room. I don't get an answer. I walk to the kitchen and leave the keys on the table, then I get a text message from her. She says she's staying over a bandmate's house. Great, more pizza for me. I take more beer from the fridge and sit alone in the living room, my only company her annoying white cat and the sound from the tv.

A few days ago, I don't know why, but I was hating my life, I hated it. Many times the thought of suicide came to my head, but I couldn't do it. When I finish eating, I throw away the pizza boxes and take a couple of bottles to my room. I take off my t-shirt and the jeans and leave them beside the bed. I lay down and turn the tv on, but I fall asleep right away and dream, one more time, about dying.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

I inhale among dreams and smell the citric perfume that Frankie wears. She was already here. I remove in bed and confirm my thoughts when I sense her body with mine. I slowly open my eyes and see she's completely asleep. I look at the clock, it's 7:30 in the morning and it's raining. I kiss her forehead and lay close to her. She moves over with her back facing me. I cuddle her and put my body close to hers. I hear how she moans but I close my eyes and put my chin in her shoulder. I kiss her neck gently and close my eyes again back to sleep.

I srub my eyes and look at the time, it's 11. I stretch and notice that I'm alone. I sigh and grab the remote control. While I'm watching the news I hear the water fall and realise she is having a shower. I bite my lips and sink in the bed. Grab my phone and see there's no miss calls nor unseen messages. I smile with sadness and wait for her to come off the shower.

A few minutes later she does, absolutely changed and ready to go. She walks towards me smiling and kiss my lips.

-Good morning Doug- She says.

-Good morning- I say back.- Are you going out?- she nods while putting some perfume over her body.

-With the girls- She replys looking me in the mirror. I frown, they went out yesterday. I decid to let it go sice I'm like that with the boys too sometimes. She comes closer and kisses me.- See you later-.

I watch her leave and I feel alone, what am I gonna do now? Tom and Giovanna are at Tom's parents house. Danny is at the airport to pick up Georgia who was coming back from Holland. Then I think of my best friend Harry, I know that Izzy is travelling in Italy. Harry must be as bored as I am right now. I text him while I'm in the toilet and hear my iPhone ringing with his response. I wash my hands and then my face, and dry them with my t-shirt. I walk to the closet and take a pair of jeans with the knees ripped, a t-shirt with some random drawings and then a sleevless shirt. I rub my hair and put on my pink bandana, my favourite. I smile at the mirror and then take my wallet and put it in the back pocket of my skinny jeans. When I go to the living room I notice she cleaned up the beer bottles mess I made yesterday. Sitting on the comfy couch and waiting for Judd to arrive, I concentrate on watching The Simpsons. I hear the horn's sound, turn off the tv and after putting a leather jacket on, I leave. When I lock the front door, I walk towards my friend's car. I jump in and he smiles.

-Pygmy- he says while starting the car. I'm surprised when I realise that's how they used to call me when we lived together. I smile.

-Monkey- I reply, with a laug. He frowns and I turn up the music. He drives for a while since we want to go away from the city, looking for some peace. Stopping in a Burger King, we buy some junk takeaway and when we arrive to the lake, we stop the car.

Once in the house, we take our shoes off and sit down. It's been a while since we've last been here. We used to always come after a gig, it would put our feet on the ground, and helped Danny and Tom create some of those amazing songs they make.

We spent all afternoon laying on the grass smoking, recalling the past and laughing. Harry is my best friend of them three, maybe because he looked after me when McFly started. Besides, he would always listen to me and andvise me when I don't know what to do in any situation.

When we look at the time it's quite late so we decide to get back home.

-Tomorrow in the study, 10 o'clock- he says when I'm getting off the car.

-I'll be there Judd. See ya- I close the car's door and light up a cigarette. When I'm about to open the front door, I see an envelope attached to the doorknob. I take it, anxious, and see it has my name. I open it and firstly, find a note.

"You are a bastard". Then I grab the photo I see inside the envelope and can't believe what it is. There is Frankie, it is a picture from today, she's being hugged by a man. I kick the door and after putting the envelope in my pocket I go to a bar close home.

-Give me another one- I demand to Nicholas

-Dougie, it's enough- he says.- You drank way to much.

-¡I! say when it's too much, give me another one- I say with hate in my eyes. -Please – I whisper then, supplication in my voice.

He sighs, but fills the glass with more beer. It is number 5 already and I have no regrets. Damn bitch, so she's been cheating to me? Or is it just some photo I shouldn't pay any attention to? I keep on drinking until the bar closes. I can't see clear nor walk. I take my phone and press number 2 from quick dialing.

-Doug?- I hear Danny's sleepy voice.

-I nead you help- I try to say but realise I can't modulate well.

-I'll come pick you up- he replies, figuring where and how I am. He hungs up and I rest my back on the bar's wall to wait for him.

A few minutes later I see his car stop in front of me and I feel relieved, but then I see Tom coming down the passenger seat and shake. Danny comes toward me shaking his head, and I know Tom is counting to ten not to hit me. They take me to the back seat and let me lay down there. I see the container they brought for me to throw up, and when Danny speeds up, that's exactly what I do. Tom sighs while he watches me. I know he wants to scolds me, but after watching me with my red eyes and still throwing up, he doesn't say a word. We park at Tom's and there is Giovanna, waiting for us. The guys put their arms around me and walk me to the guests room. I can feel how Giovanna takes my dirty t-shirt and jeans off and how she's cleaning my face. Tom puts one of his t-shirts on me and closes the blinds and curtains of the room. The last thing I see is the three of them watching me from the door before she turns the light off and I fall in a profound sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

I wake up with a headache. I slowly open my eyes and sigh, where am I? I sit on the bed and recognize the place. It's Tom's guest's room. Shit, he also saw me shattered. I turn my head around and lay again over the pillows. I look at the clock and it's 10 am. I decide to get up and the room turns. I walk down the stairs slowly and go to the kitchen. There is Giovanna. She looks at me and smiles gently.

-Morning Dougie- she says quietly. She grabs a glass and fills it with fresh water, then she hands me a couple of pills she finds in a drawer. - Take them, they help with the hangover- she says in a low voice, obviously taking my headache in consideration.

I smile a shy smile while taking what she is handing me. I put the pills in my mouth and then swallow them with the help of the water. – Good morning-I reply, sitting in the chair that was closer to the small kitchen window. – And the boys?- I ask, looking around.

- They are doing some shopping- she replys,holds Marvin in her arms and sits in front of me. I notice how she's inspecting me with her eyes. I sigh and she angles her head. – What was going on in your mind? The guys were very worried. Danny came immediately after your call. Tom jumped out of bed in a hurry and was quite scared- she says looking straight into my eyes, and I can tell she's worried but also a bit angry. -Dougie, you don't have to feel this way- she says, whispering now.

-Gio, I don't really want to talk about this, please.- I mutter and eat a spoonful of cereals, she knows the conversation is over. She sighs, defeated, and raises from her seat. And here I am, having breakfast by my self. Marvin and Aurora get on the table and, locating in front of me, where Giovanna was, stare at me. I stretch my hands and run them through their small heads. Marvin purrs loud, while the beautiful white cat jumps on to me. I grab her and raise carefully from my seat. I take her with me to the room where I was staying and lay on the bed. I spend some time there just looking at the ceiling. After a while I hear how the front door is being opened. I can hear Tom talking to Giovanna, and Danny is laughing, at least they aren't talking about me. Although is still early, I feel sleepy. I take the jeans off and I'm with my boxers,again. I pull the sheets and Aurora gets comfy by my side and falls asleep with me.

Some soft knocks on the door wake me up.

-Doug, may I come in?- asks Tom from the other side of the door, I notice hesitation in his voice.

-I'm sleeping-I say back, pissed, and manage to see in the clock it's midday.-Come in- I mutter.

The door opens and Tom rears his head. He decides to come in and walks towards my bed with short steps. He sits in the bed. I think he is going to scold me, but he doesn't. Instead, he hugs me tightly, leaving me in shock.

-Oh Dougie, I don't know what's going on, I can't know cos you don't tell us, but I want you to know that you can always count on me- he whisperes.

- I know- I manage to say, because I know they are always there for me. I sigh and Tom leaves, taking Aurora with him. Maybe, Giovanna and Danny persuaded him not to give me a sermon, if they did, I am grateful. I decide it is time to come down, after laying for one more hour on the bed doing nothing, just thinking, and it is not always good to think to much. I put my jeans back on and head to the restroom. I wash my face and then my teeth, since Tom keeps brushes for all of us. I walk to the living, and see Giovanna is watching tv and Tom is reading a book.

-Finally, here you are- Gio is smiling at me, like she always does.

-Yeah- I scratch my head.-I probably should go, it's quite late- . They nod their heads at the same time and I sigh. My house isn't far from here, so I don't mind not having my car. When I arrive, I can hear music playing, so I know she's home. I quietly open the door and look around. I don't see her so I keep walking to the kitchen and there I find her.

-Frankie- My voice is low, but enough to make her turn around and face me.

-Dougie- She smiles when she sees me.- We need to talk-.


	4. Chapter 4

That sentence makes me tremble. I look at her, my heart racing at a speed I´ve never felt. My hands are sweating.

- What's going on?- I ask alarmed while I look at her face. She walks towards me, tears falling from her brown eyes, and wrappes me in a hug.

- I was so worried about you yesterday- she says in a whisper and I sigh in relief.- You wouldn't answer my calls-.

- I'm sorry- was all that I could say.- I forgot my phone here- I try to calm her down running my hands through her short hair. She hugs me tighter. I kiss her forehead and go to the kitchen while she tells me she's going to take a shower. I take off the jacket pocket the photo I received today. I set it fire, and once it's consumed, I throw away the ashes. I head to our bedroom and change. Luckly enough, Giovanna has washed my clothes so they no longer smell to alcohol and cigarette. I take all my clothes off but keep my boxers on while I look for a light t-shirt since it's hot today. I light a cigarette on and think about a stuff.

We're having a peaceful and silent meal. We're watching The Simpsons, since after that it is Glee on, and Frankie loves it. If Glee sang any of our songs, maybe then I'd like them better, but they don't. I laugh internally to that thought and sigh, to keep on chewing another bite of meatloaf. I take one last sip of orange juice and finish my food. Frankie still has half of her plate full. I pick up my dishes and leave them in the sink.

When we are in bed, I hold Frankie close to my chest while she's sleepping. She's so beautiful, specially when she's asleep. The thought of her being my wife makes me smile. Any time I could ask her to marry me. I smile again. Frankie Poynter, it sounds beautiful. I kiss her lips and she moves around no longer facing me while she's murmurs something I can't understand. I laugh and kiss her exposed shoulder.

It's been a few weeks since my little accident that night. Now Frankie is on a small tour promoting the new perfume of the band. So now I'm all by my self, and that's not a very good idea. I go out every night to the closest pub with Tom Leisman, the next morning unable to remember how I got home at all. I had some drugs and I didn't like them at first, but now, third night in a row, I'm really starting to dig them.

To make matters worse, Tom is getting more and more annoying. He´s trying to follow me now. He yells at me whenever I do something wrong, and doesn't appreciate when I get something right. Danny stays quiet, but looks at us in this funny way. I know him and Harry agree with Fletcher, it's just that I don't understand why they can't mind their own business, because I don't mind theirs.

This one time during a rehearsal in which we were practising one of the new songs, Party Girl, I confused an A iwth a G. Tom stopped the song right away and looked at me with anger in his eyes.

- Go away- he said in his quiet voice. Danny turned around and looked at me. – You're delaying everything, and that's the least that we need right now, so go away Poynter-. It's been a long time since I saw Tom this mad.

I was astonished, my mouth wide open in surprise. I threw my bass to the floor, took my jacket and walked away,leaving the studio in a rage.

Now, I'm heading to the jewellery store in the mall. It takes courage, but I buy an engagement ring. It is made of silver with a pink diamond surrounded by little black strasses. Frankie is going to love it. I smile and ask it to be kept in a black box. I leave and walk towards a Starbucks. I order a coffee and a frapuccino. The place is so crowded. I finally find a free seat in front of a girl. I sigh and walk to her.

- Excuse me, may I sit?- I can't help the shame in my voice, but I really want to sit.

-Sure, no problem- I can see she's smiling at me when she puts down her book, which was covering her face. And from that moment on, the way she smiles is written in my mind.


	5. Chapter 5

I sit in front of her. She leaves her book aside and takes a sip of her Frapuccino.  
- Fancy strawberry?- I ask looking at her. Wait, so she doesn't recognize me?, I mean, she still doesn't scream or anything. I smile in relieve.  
- It's my favourite- she replies making a sideways smile while putting the beverage back on the table, in front of her lips.  
- My name is Lee- she was biting her lips to get rid of the skin.  
- My name is..- in that moment I couldn't hear her. Something loud fell and I couldn't focus. But to be cool, I smile anyway.  
- Nice name- I put my bags on the floor. She smiles back and then looks down. I sigh.- So, what do you do?- I want to continue talking to her.  
- I go to the Uni- she says in a quiet voice. – And you?-  
- Music- It's starting to rain. She smiles at me again. Her phone rings at the sound of one of my Blink's favourite songs. She excuses herself and then starts talking. When she hungs up, she puts her book in her bag and stands up.  
- Nice to meet you Lee- she says while she leans forward to kiss my cheek. I smile.  
- Very nice- I mutter, smiling again.

Alcohol calls me, and drugs look for me. I look at myself in the mirror. My eyes red, just like my nose. My subconscious yells that it's because of all the drugs I've inhaled with it. I shake my head and don't pay attention to it. I go to the bathroom and turn on the shower with only cold water. I take my clothes off and get in there. I put some shampoo on both of my hands and I rub them all over my hair. When I'm finished, I put some comfy clothes on and decide to go and visit Tom. When I arrive I'm surprised to see Harry's and Danny's cars parked there. They were gathering and they didn't invite me?. I leave the car, dejected, and ring the bell. I hear the noise heels make when walking over wood and then the door opens. Giovanna looks at me.  
- Hey Dougie- she mutteres.  
I walk in and she moves aside to let me come in. My suspicions are confirmed. They are all together having meal.  
- Well, this is nice- I can't help being sarcastic. Anger in my eyes.  
-Dougie- says Danny right away.  
- Don't get any closer Tom- I whisper to him and he stops walking towards me.  
- Dougie, you don't know what you're saying- I take a step away from him.  
- Yes, I do know, I don't want you any closer me- I say, absolutely pissed. – Do you hate me?- I ask looking into his eyes. He shakes his head and tries to talk.- Well that's what it looks like. You're rubbish Fletcher. You pretend to be a good friend but you're nothing of that. You leave me aside just because I've been having some rough days. I've got other friends too you know. What am I saying? You're not friends. YOU are not my friend- I say pointing at him.- Neither are you- Now I point to Harry and Danny- I turn around and close the front door with a strong bang.  
I'm full with fury. I get into my car, tears falling down my cheeks. What did I do wrong? I bite my lips and hit the wheel. Rain drops start to fall. I grab my phone and call Frankie.  
- Please pick up babe- I pray low. I throw the phone to the back sit when I get the voicemail. I get down the car and kick its door, then hit the window glass and hurt my right hand.- ¡YOU ARE ALL SHIT!- I yell and fall to the ground in my knees, then lay on it and cry my eyes out. I close my eyes and I can see the guys laughing at me, Frankie leaving like my father did, Jazzie and my mum laughing just like the guys.  
I feel smaller while I cry. My hands are shaking and so it's my body. I cough because it's cold and then I rub my hands through my face. I grab my hair and pull from it. I hold my body tight and continue to cry.  
I hear steps walking towards me and feel someone's precense beside me.  
- Lee?- says a hasitating voice. I raise my head and see the girl from Starbucks.- Are you alright? What's going on?- She asks while raising me up from the ground.  
- No, I'm not alright- I hug her tight.-I hate my life. I wanna die now-.  
- Don't say that- she whispers looking into my eyes.- You shouldn't think that.- She strokes my face and rain starts falling strongly.  
- Come- I hold her hand, open the passenger door for her and then I get into the car. I turn the heat on and look at her.- Where do you live?- I ask gently with a smile. She shows me and it's very close from where we are. It takes us only a few minutes to get there.  
- Well, see you around- she says and I lean to kiss her cheek.  
- Sure- and I stay there to see her run under the rain into her house.  
I sigh and continue driving.  
Once at home, I drink more than twenty glasses of beer and 5 pills. I do my dizzy walk that I'm used to heading to the bathroom, and let the water full the bath. I sit on the floor and undo the sneackers laces. Then I take all my clothes off and, when the water has the temperature that I like, I dive. I close my eyes waiting for the moment.. for the momet to die.


	6. Chapter 6

**By Tom**

I see Dougie leavig the house without saying a word. Giovanna hugs me for a few seconds. Danny looks at me.  
- He needs to go to rehab, he stinks of alcohol mate. – I sit on the couch, absolutely frustrated.  
- Why is he doing this?- asks Harry while he sits in front of me, and so does Izzy.  
- Because of her. - replys Georgia and gives to us our glasses full of beer. - Frankie made him this way- Giovanna and Izzy nod, agreeing.  
- Lord- I mutter and sink into my own thoughts .  
Time passes by very slowly. Gioavanna is reading a book about fairies and goblins and I'm still laying on the couch. I grab my phone and dial Dougie's number. I don't get an answer, not in the first try, nor the third, nor the fifth. I raise suddenly and take my jacket.  
- Call Danny and Harry, tell them to go to Dougie's place. – I leave the room in a rush.- I've got a bad feeling!- I yell before getting inside the Mini Cooper S, and leave speeding.  
When I park, I hear hard braking wheels. I turn around to the sound and realize it's Danny, and then I see Harry too, besides him.  
- What is it?- asks the freckled one, catching back his breath.  
- I've got a bad feeling. – now I'm looking for the key house I've got under the rug. When we get in, we notice the house is absolutely dark, and the silence is sepulchral.  
- DOUGIE!- cries Harry while we're running up the stairs. Smell of alcohol gets us while we walk. We open the bedroom door, but it's empty. Fear and anxiety is all we can feel. We walk into the room and find lots of empty beer bottles. Danny comes closer to some jars on the floor and looks at us.  
- It's drugs.- he whispers and sighs, leaving the jar back on the floor.  
I walk towards the restroom, and when I open the door I yell- ¡Dougie!- I'm desperate. I can hear the guys running to where we are. Harry is the one to take him out of the bath, Danny is calling an ambulance. I grab some towels from the little cupboard and wrap him with them. We put him on the floor and Harry starts giving him CPR.  
- COME ON DOUGIE!- he's desperate. Danny runs down the stairs when he hears the ambulance coming. I'm on me knees beside my friend, and start to slap his cheeks to wake him up. -Dougie, Dougie please wake up.- begs Harry and tries once again.  
Paramedics enter to the bathroom, grab him and put him over a litter. Everything happens so fast it doesn't seem real. The guys walk behind them, I take a small bag from the cupboard, open it and choose some clothes from the closet, as fast as I can. I rest my back on the door of the closet and start to cry. I just couldn't hold all that pressure anymore. I text my girlfriend, and after a few seconds, I go back downstairs. There they are, outside, starting the ambulance. Danny and Harry leaving behind it. I start my own car, I drive after them. The way to the hospital, I find it tedious and too long, I just hope they can reanimate him. When I arive, I park as fast as I can do it, and run to the ER. I see the guys running there, too.  
-Dougie Poynter, where is him?- I ask to the woman behind the reception desk.  
- Room 124, but you can't go in there yet, doctors are still trying to reanimate him.- She says, gets up and walks away.  
There we are, the three of us, weeping sitted on the armchair. Minutes later, our girlfriends arrive. Gi is bringing coffee to us. I give a sip and sigh. Georgia is walking from side to side, and Izzy tries to comfort Harry with some kind words.  
Two girls walk towards us, and sit on the couch beside ours. I hear their names are Macy and Azul. They are arguing about something. Not really, the one called Macy is making fun of her friend since she met some guy. I hear the name Lee and turn to them. Could it be my Lee? Could it be Dougie?. I shake my head as an answer, he doesn't like much his middle name, if he could avoid saying it, he would.  
I look for a clock on the wall and find one on my right. It's one in the morninig. It's been two hours since we're sitting here, without any news, but then we all see a doctor coming to us.  
- Family or friends of Mr. Poynter?- the three of us raise on our feet right away. He greets us and tells us they could stabilize him. He lets us see him. We sit in the small couch that's by the bed and take a deep breath, relief all over our faces. It seemed like we had been holding our breaths during all that time, and now we finally can get some air into our lungs. He is connected to some wires and has an oxygen mask over his nose. He looks defenseless than he normally does. An electrocardiograph tells the beats of his heart. I sigh with relief. He's fine.


End file.
